Cool People

I don't feel like I'm going to college. I'm pretty much starting my career right now. And when I tell people that people at cypress are antisocial and run to their cars after class, that's kind of me too. I don't know what it is. The environment isn't college. I don't really want to talk to most of the people that kind of hint they want to talk in class. It's like, when people send signals that they're thinking of saying something and starting a conversation with you, I usually do things to keep that from happening, consciously.

It would be nice to talk to people, meet new people, but honestly, it's almost like I just don't want to talk to cypress people. I don't like myself for it, but I'm stereotyping a lot of cypress people and I don't really want to deal with it. And I'm not doing this on purpose, but I'm more interested in starting my career. When it deals with work, of course I'll meet new people and talk to others on set. I kind of have to... I know I want a "college experience" whatever that means. But it feels like I'm starting my life. And the weirder thing is that I don't know how I feel about that. Will I miss that college experience? Or will it not matter because I won't know what it's like. Or maybe I am having the college experience and just don't appreciate it. Or maybe the opportunity is there and I'm not being open to it. Just like this associated student center I walk by almost every day. I think I've seen people playing pool and a ping-pong table and there's people inside and I think i've seen some cuties, but the windows are really tinted so I'm not sure. I may just have been hoping for it. But I've never really had the guts to go inside and check it out. I've been scared that I would need to be like a part of a group like a club or a class or something to go inside and I wouldn't know and just go inside and embarrass myself. But what if there's cool people in there I've never seen. Why would there be cool people in there? What am I talking about that's stupid.

This all just kind of came to me. Maybe now that I see things this way, I may act differently or everything may just stay the same. I think I need to think more.