Retribution.

A little pebble jumped out of the barrel of a cement truck on the 91 freeway today and decided to damage my windshield. Then, one the way back, a hunk of some indeterminable, wood-like material decided to follow up the assault and punished my hood and again my windshield.

My mother said it was because I didn't do the sign of the cross when I woke up this morning. I haven't done the sign of the cross when I wake up since I was 11.

Poor Rhonda.

I am 19.

There's got to be something wrong with getting rear-ended on your birthday...

I get money.

i worked about 35 hours this weekend since Friday. They were all awesome. 

Money in the bank = $0. 

Money in the stomach = about $60 of gourmet cooking.

Money I'll make later because of those 35 hours = who knows.

I'm a red belt.

I was driving to school from work today and something funny happened. The left arrow turned green and I saw a guy in a pickup truck go ahead and run the red as slow as he could. The thing was, the whole time, he just looked at me with the most disgusted face in the world as if he was doing it to smite me. And at the same time, I stared back at him behind my glasses with the most blank stare. But I crept my car about a foot away from his to let him know that it was my turn to go. Finally, I had room to pass and I noticed out of my peripherals that he was still looking at me with that same dirty look. I have no idea what it was, but the whole time, I just kept the same blank stare on my face, it really didn't bother me at all. Until about 5 minutes later.

I stopped the car, about 100 feet from his dinky pick up truck, walked over to him, he had stepped out as well, still with the same bastard look. He put up his fists and I totally jumped and laid one punch square in his face. The best knockout punch I could have imagined. It's almost a shame, but the whole punch thing was imagined. It was so vivid though.

I really don't know what it is, if it's human or if I'm just crazy, but I really wanted to get in a fight. I just punched Brad Pitt in the ear.

I met a guy at the gym today. His name's Joe. He's a vietnamese truck driver and weighs 250 pounds (he told me). He likes my butterfly. And he wants me to give him pointers and eventually go surfing with him because he says I "swim real nice."

Be done with it. Life feels so much less complicated when you just do it. Wow, nice, original, Nike. But really, just do it. Make that phone call. Set time to finish that video you were told to do a year ago. Now I just have to earn one more belt to reach black belt and advance two more ranks for Eagle Scout.

I'm glad I took the time today.

My name is Ramin.

I get to suck more and more every time people tell me "You're always too busy to hang out" or "Where are you?" "Why don't you hang out with me anymore?" And most times I don't like to talk about my schedule because it just turns people off to hear that much stuff. Boo. I wish I had more time. I wish I could spend that extra time with people.

And it's funny because most of the people I'm working with are telling me that I don't need college. I could just not go to college and become full-time and I'd do fine. Well that's not a option but it's interesting.

And I think it's safe to say that I want to be in a relationship. Although it seems like I would have absolutely no time for anyone, it'd be cool to have someone there and of course I'd be there too. And of course it would be awesome to find someone I connected with.

I may be going to England this winter break by myself to visit and stay with uncle and cousins. Super excited.

I wanna do something like the Iditarod or swim to Catalina. Something to test myself. It would be so sick to race in a rally car or take some like stunt driving course.

I like how much you can accomplish in a year. It makes time seem slower even though it has progressively moved faster ever since I even noticed time. And I love how unpredictable life is. I know I can expect what's left of my year to be exciting and eventful. Although it's not always what I may expect, there are always things to be learned. 

The wind

felt so unfamiliar today.

God's just a baby and her diaper's wet.

Cool People

I don't feel like I'm going to college. I'm pretty much starting my career right now. And when I tell people that people at cypress are antisocial and run to their cars after class, that's kind of me too. I don't know what it is. The environment isn't college. I don't really want to talk to most of the people that kind of hint they want to talk in class. It's like, when people send signals that they're thinking of saying something and starting a conversation with you, I usually do things to keep that from happening, consciously.

It would be nice to talk to people, meet new people, but honestly, it's almost like I just don't want to talk to cypress people. I don't like myself for it, but I'm stereotyping a lot of cypress people and I don't really want to deal with it. And I'm not doing this on purpose, but I'm more interested in starting my career. When it deals with work, of course I'll meet new people and talk to others on set. I kind of have to... I know I want a "college experience" whatever that means. But it feels like I'm starting my life. And the weirder thing is that I don't know how I feel about that. Will I miss that college experience? Or will it not matter because I won't know what it's like. Or maybe I am having the college experience and just don't appreciate it. Or maybe the opportunity is there and I'm not being open to it. Just like this associated student center I walk by almost every day. I think I've seen people playing pool and a ping-pong table and there's people inside and I think i've seen some cuties, but the windows are really tinted so I'm not sure. I may just have been hoping for it. But I've never really had the guts to go inside and check it out. I've been scared that I would need to be like a part of a group like a club or a class or something to go inside and I wouldn't know and just go inside and embarrass myself. But what if there's cool people in there I've never seen. Why would there be cool people in there? What am I talking about that's stupid.

This all just kind of came to me. Maybe now that I see things this way, I may act differently or everything may just stay the same. I think I need to think more.