what am i doing?

I've wanted to be a film director for a while now. I used to want to be a lawyer and before that an astronaut. But the only reason I switched from astronaut to lawyer was because my mom told me that lawyers can make up to $500 dollars and hour which blew my mind. But now I want to be in film... not sure what position yet...

I'm not creative enough to be in film. I made a video of a talking dog for my college application for Christ's sake. How am I ever gonna be like Coppola, the Cohen Brothers, or Ridley Scott.

But once again, I'm back with that feeling of unsureness. It's always been there, I've just ignored it and run with film. I don't know what it is, it just has all of the things I like to do, like not sitting in an office all day.

But still there's something wrong. I'm missing something. I couldn't tell you what it is. I just don't feel happy. In fact, day by day, I get just a little more disgusted with who I am. I'm not good to my family, I don't spend much time with them. I suck at school because I assume I can just do everything later because I'm at Cypress. What am I doing with my life? I go to school, go to work, go to the gym. I barely even practice santoor even though I'm still going to classes. I'm not doing what I want to do I know that. But the thing is, I've lost sight of what I want to do.

What happened to going on road trips? camping on Catalina island? or just going to Huntington Harbor and jumping off that sweet bridge?

Why don't I just go out and do things that don't make me feel like a boring adult with excuses and commitments to things.

I've always aspired to do something amazing early like Warren Buffet or Richard Branson. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I just don't feel complete.

I never thought much about writing because I've always told myself that I'm really bad at it, but there's something nice about writing it all out. It feels good, oddly enough. Now I get to finish my Philosophy paper on Chiropractic care.